even this ocean fog
can't insulate me
from these sickening waves
of uncertainty
this threshold I must pass over

Always with change, there is this nagging feeling that comes over you all through the day, maybe six, seven times or more. It is this awful feeling of displacement, this sensation that the floor beneath you might not be there at any moment. Self-doubt, uncertainty, and fear about who I really am, what my true purpose is and how I will survive--all wrapped into one--but not at every moment of the day. There are also some very lucid moments of certainty, of confidence, of being propelled towards a greater purpose even without knowing exactly what that is--a belief in myself and the bigger picture, a surrendering to fate.

walking through
this thick morning fog
my hair curling
in all the wrong places
I surrender

the day after
quitting my job
up early
hoping to glimpse
the rising sun

Relief and hope. Fear and possibility. Sadness and excitement. These are just some of the mixed emotions I have been feeling after walking out on my position as a salon coordinator this past Friday. One emotion I have not experienced is regret. I left completely confident and decided in my decision. I cannot reveal the details of what lead to my sudden resignation--but let's just say I finally reached my breaking point and was compelled to leave for the sake of my own health and well-being.

So I am now on the threshold of a new beginning--of what I don't know. But for now, I am on the wagon of decompression. It is a time to walk more, read more, cook more, visit with my parents more, write more and just open myself up to peace and to possibilty.

Meanwhile, if anyone sees a help wanted ad for a "professional tanka poet", please give me a call!