as the fog lifts

this April morning

so do all these prayers

for my grandson yet born

may they heal his tiny life 

We have been shaken with news that the baby my youngest daughter carries (she is 21 weeks) has some sort of kidney anomaly--a blockage in the urethra that is causing urine to back up into the bladder and kidneys. She has yet to see the pedia-urologist at Children's Hospital in Boston, so the specifics are not yet known.  But there was mention of kidney damage, dialysis and even transplants.  I have, of course, done as much self-educating as I could on the internet, and found that each case can vary from mild to severe in its outcome, so we will just wait to hear what the specialist has to say. Meanwhile, we will take all the prayers we can that his tiny urinary system heals itself.  Sometimes, this is the case, as the baby grows.  

So please say a prayer for tiny baby Adrian to heal, to develop and to grow strong. And pray for his parents Jennifer and Jose that they may be strong and blessed.  Thank you.

feel the walls

caving

even as daffodils

open their bright sunny faces

in my direction

Guess I've been wrangling with a bit of depression these days.  It becomes more evident when I'm not even stirred deep inside by things like daffodils blooming and birds making nests.  It's as if nothing stirs me, thus my dry spell in writing.  Feels like everything is swirling around me and I have no real tether on anything!  Very frustrating and hopeless.  Keep wondering how did I get here and what can I do to get out, or at least point my old self in the direction of survival. Wow, how many times have I had to push back walls?  Guess I'll find a way. Mean time, it may be my only material for writing.

struggling
to find hidden words
for poems
all these purple crocus's
breaking through victorious

Ah, the victory of breaking through!  Don't quite know where or how to begin to jump-start my poetry again so I am starting here.

Feeling  rather dried up since last summer-the feelings, the emotions, the rawness of everything in hibernation. Numbed. And my every day physical life too jumbled, caring for others and putting my own needs and career aside. But it is where I am and what I need to do right now, and it is not forever.

Still, I sorely recognize the need to make space for me somewhere, somehow this spring. I need to get walking and writing back into my life to feel that small victory that the crocus feels!  And so, that is my goal this spring. Not to publish or even write anything great. Just to write--every day. And so we begin again, in a small and humble place.

PS. My mother's room is finally cleaned out!  My daughter who lives downstairs is expecting a baby in September and will use Mama's room as a nursery!  Mama would be pleased :)